When I was watching House M.D. in my early-mid 20s I could never understand why Dr. House was such an angry, hostile, bitter, mean and irritable jerk. Until I could … when I got 30 and my severe back pain started. It all became way too relatable and I could see so clearly why there was so much bitterness and hostility in his character. You might still think that he is just a jerk (a genius one) and probably this is also part of the truth, but I can guarantee you that living with pain every day (as Dr. House did) can bring you to the darkest of places and your heart, mood and mind will become cold, austere and bleak.
After 5 years into this I am not in my darkest place now. Thanks God! But I have seen, felt and lived through a lot and I continue living with my struggles every day. There is a lot I want to say to the world, just to let it out of me, to make people notice, but it’s hard. Hard to find the words to explain, hard to find someone who would listen, someone who would understand, someone you would trust. But then I think that there are thousands, hundred thousands of people who know exactly how I feel and who are fighting the same battle, they are having the same resentment, fear, struggle, despair and pain. And I want to share it for them. They might never find this text or might stumble upon it randomly on the internet, but maybe it will make a difference for someone. Just to know that there are people out there who “get me”, just to be able to say to yourself “I am not alone in this”.Continue reading “What it’s like to live with chronic pain”